


It's Over, Isn't It?

by workshy_ish



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Contemplation, M/M, POV Bones, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-08-09 12:12:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7801408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/workshy_ish/pseuds/workshy_ish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"They looked happy. He couldn't be more happy for them. Really, he is. The Captain and his Commander, in love and happy together. It was sickening how sweet those two were around each other. So sickening."</p><p>Leonard convinces himself that he is happy for Jim and Spock.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Over, Isn't It?

They looked happy. He couldn't be more happy for them. Really, he is. The Captain and his Commander, in love and happy together.  

Who wouldn't be? What with that infectious smile that kid had on every time Spock was in the room. And Spock who looked just as smitten, despite the bullshit he says about Vulcans and their inability to feel smitten. It was sickening how sweet those two were around each other. 

So sickening.  

No. 

It wasn't sickening.  

It was sweet.  

They were sweet on each other and they deserved to have that.  

He took another gulp of the whiskey he'd been nursing. He'd waited too long between gulps that the ice inside was slowly watering the drink down. Probably the reason why he wasn't enjoying it as much as he usually did, he reasoned.  

Heh. 

Who was he kidding?  

The drink tastes like shit because Jim doesn't love him the way he does. He never did. Sure, he'd loved Leonard like a brother, like family. But never like a lover he could hold in his arms. Never like someone he could share his joys, his pain, his pleasures, and his sadness with. That was for Spock now, and if Jim had his way, it would only be for Spock and no one else.  

He could still remember the moment it just hit him.  

It was about a year in to their mission and they were at the mess hall. He was staring at the kid after he made a stupid joke about nacelles. Now, the joke he could care less about, but his smile. The way it would light up his whole face and make him look just so... Jim. There was no other way to explain it. Like everything he'd ever known about the kid up to that point had finally just appeared on his face and made him become Jim. And it just- 

He just wanted to have the chance to see more of who Jim truly was a little bit each time they spent together. Because, to Leonard, it was beautiful.  

Jeez. 

That was pathetic. He's not nearly as drunk as he needed to be for this... schmoop.  

He took another gulp of the remaining whiskey in his glass. Sitting on the floor right beside his bed, he contemplated the events of the day.  

Jim wanted to meet up at a bar in the lower sector of Yorktown. Kind of swanky for his tastes, but he wasn't a guy against trying new things, believe it or not. It wasn't exactly a strange occurrence since he was used to Jim dragging him any place and being pleasantly surprised most of the time. What was strange was Spock being there when he came in.  

At that point, he had an inkling of what they were here to talk about, as much as he didn't want to think about it. He'd already heard the scuttlebutt going around about the two of them. How there were already signs with Spock and Nyota breaking up, and seeing the CO spend a lot more time with the Captain, even in unofficial settings. But that was just idle gossip and that never went anywhere. Now he realized he probably just didn't wanna see what everyone else was seeing.  

It was fine at first. There were just enough smiles, chit-chat, and booze passed around the table to make it seem like a normal thing between the three of them. But seeing the way Jim would sometimes lean a bit towards Spock, the crinkle around his eyes that only comes out when he was worried about something, and the tiny glances Spock sent his way, it was too much and he needed to get this out of the way for all of their sakes.  

"You know, it's fine." He said, raising the tumbler up to his lips.  

Jim looked up from the glass he was staring a hole through. Even Spock tilted his head to the side, and that's as much of a surprised look anyone's ever gonna get from a Vulcan.  

"The two of you. I assumed that's what you're greasing me up for with all this booze. I gotta tell you, if this is your way of breaking news to me then you two need to break news to me more often. Even if you're definition of news is out of date."  

The look Jim gave him made Leonard want the words to be true. He wanted it to be fine, otherwise, it would've just hurt.  

"That's- Bones, you don't know how much this means to me. And Spock. It just wouldn't be right for us to go through this without you knowing first. You're like family to me, man!"  

The touch Jim had on his shoulder felt so warm against the cold he felt at that moment, but he knew he made the right decision and he needed to see it through.  

"Spock! This isn't too... illogical? You and Jim?" He asked, looking at Spock to gauge his reaction. He trusted the Vulcan but in this case, he needed to be sure.  

Raising his brow at the comment, Spock considered the doctor, no doubt seeing his true intent in the question.  

"On the contrary, Doctor. It would have only been illogical if the Captain – if Jim and I had delayed the seeming inevitability in this. Despite the fact that Vulcans do not portray emotions as humans do, I cannot deny the care and value I hold towards him, and he towards I. He is my – t'hyla."  

"Spock..." Jim whispered, looking at Spock with awe that most people had when their lovers tell them they love them for the first time.  

Having nothing else to say, Len only had to nod his head and smile. He knew when to quit, and seeing the two look at each other with obvious devotion in their eyes, he only had one thing left to say. "Be good to each other, you two."  

He cared about the two of them and it wouldn't be fair to both of them if he held on to resentment and regret when they're happy. Ultimately, he has to accept that it's not about him.  

 _It's not about you, you bastard._ He wants to shout it out, make himself see sense. _It's not about you._  

Looking out into the simulated night sky over Yorktown through his apartment window, Len caught a glimpse of himself reflected in the glass. If he looked bitter and heartbroken, no one else had to know. He'll let himself be sad for now, but once he wakes up, once he nurses the headache that's sure to come the morning after, he will move on. No use mulling over the past. It'll get better. It has to.   

**Author's Note:**

> Or what comes out of listening to Steven Universe songs, specifically songs where Pearl is singing her heart out about Rose Quartz. (it's a really nice song and it's on youtube, check it out if you want!)
> 
> Also inspired by something a little bit too personal for me, and using Bones POV helps because he's someone who I actually want to be like, but never have the guts to pull off.  
> I try to make it as happy an ending for him as possible but I don't think I succeeded. Maybe I'll expand on it a bit more, but I doubt I would.


End file.
